Oh, look everyone, California's own pedo supporting scumbag, Senator Scott Wiener, is slinging his thing into a banana hammock and throwing it on into the ring for, get this, Nancy Pelosi's congressional seat. Because nothing says "I'm ready for Washington" like the guy who spent years championing that old nasty SB 145, the bill that basically lets a 24-year-old slide on the sex offender registry after some "non-forcible" fun with a 14-year-old – as long as it's the right kind of dick-centric action. Relaxing penalties for sodomy, oral copulation, and sexual penetration with minors? Dear Scott, that's not equality, that's a casting call for your personal cabana boy fantasy league.

Picture this: Scott Wiener strutting around the Castro in a neon yellow banana hammock, wearing that fanny pouch with incredulous pride (emphasis on the pride), declaring himself the protector of "LGBTQ youth." Meanwhile, the rest of us are wondering why his idea of anti-discrimination involves making sure gay statutory rapists get the same sweetheart deal straight ones already had for all that vaginal stuff. It's like he saw the sex offender registry and thought, "Too many dicks missing from this list – time to fix that!" ::straps on that ole neon banana hammmock—and strikes himself a super pose:: Andy Dick himself couldn't script a creepier comeback – remember when Andy paraded around parties in nothing but a banana hammock, grabbing whatever swung on by? Scott's political career is basically that, but with bills instead of booze and a lot more focus on minor-adjacent dicks, mind you.

Now, he's gunning for Congress! Can you believe that? His campaign is probably built on promising to bring that same "hands-off the registry" energy to the national stage. Imagine Wiener on the House floor, in nothing but that banana hammock. Ladies blushing and peeking out from behind the hands covering their face. Why, they wouldn't be able to look away, it would be a f*cking train wreck comin' in hot like a dumpster fire. He'd be yelling about how unfair it is that certain predators that he personally approves the actions of have to register while others get a judge's gavel the entire hearing. Andy Dick of politics? Yes, the Andy Dick of politics. But, Andy at least had the decency to get arrested for his antics. Scott just gets reelected and eye-f*cks Pelosi's decrepit throne like it's the ultimate glory hole. If he gets elected, expect extra sprinkles and fairy dust, with the emphasis on the fairy.

California, if you actually ship this banana hammock-strutting, dick-obsessed walking disaster off to D.C. in Nancy Pelosi’s old seat, don’t even think about whining later when the Capitol Building starts resembling one of Scott Wiener’s private “equality” parties—clymer lights, lube stations in the cloakroom, and an endless parade of barely-legal twinks wandering the halls looking for “judicial discretion.” Because with Scott leading the charge, this country would turn into a god*mned banana republic. And we don't want that. Trust me.