The Muck Monster Awakens!

From the murky depths of irrelevance, Eric Holder, the swampiest of swamp creatures, has oozed back into the spotlight! Like the Swamp Thing himself—half-man, half-mud, all menace—this former Attorney General is sludging up the political scene with a vengeance. Silent for years, Holder’s now bubbling over with gooey plans to slime the Supreme Court, and conservatives are charging in with their muskets and memes (and nose plugs) to fend off his latest stink.

Picture it: a dank, foggy bog where woke ideologies fester like pond scum. Holder, draped in metaphorical moss and dripping with liberal lamentations, has declared war on the conservative Court’s mission to drain the D.C. swamp. His weapon? A plan to expand the Court and slap term limits on justices, all to muck up the clean, constitutional clarity those nine robes have been dishing out. It’s like he’s crawled out of a comic book to haunt the dreams of every red-blooded patriot!

Holder’s Slimy Scheme to Save the Swamp

In a podcast that smelled suspiciously of desperation, Holder gurgled about “reforming” the Supreme Court—translation: packing it with more swamp-friendly justices to drown out the 6-3 conservative majority. “They don’t focus on precedent, they focus on personnel!” he bubbled, as if the Court’s rulings on guns, regulations, and *Dobbs* (you know, that pesky decision protecting unborn kids) were somehow a crime against his murky kingdom.

His big ideas? Here’s the rundown of Holder’s swamp sludge:

• Expand the Court: Add more justices to dilute the conservative clean-up crew. Why stop at nine? Let’s make it 13, 15, or a whole bog’s worth of liberal judges!
• 18-Year Term Limits: Kick justices out after 18 years so they can’t keep draining the swamp for decades. Holder claims they get “disconnected” from the country, but we know he just wants fresh mud to mold.
• Save the Woke Swamp: By reversing rulings like *Dobbs*, Holder’s defending the “right” to end innocent lives before they can even splash in the kiddie pool. Talk about a monster mash!

Why Now, Swamp Thing?

Why’s Holder suddenly oozing back into relevance? Simple: he’s been sulking in the shadows since his Obama-era glory days, and now that conservatives are winning—cleaning up the courts, protecting babies, and tossing out woke overreach—he’s mad as a gator with a toothache. The man’s been silent as a stagnant pond, but with Democrats licking their wounds post-2024, he’s slithering out to rally the troops for 2028.

It’s like he saw the conservative Court draining his beloved swamp—where woke ideologies and abortion advocacy bubble like toxic gas—and decided, “Not on my watch!” So here comes Swamp Thing Holder, flinging mud at the justices who dare uphold the Constitution over his soggy feelings. And boy, is he making a splash with the coastal elites!

The Conservative Counter-Splash

Conservatives aren’t taking this swampy assault lying down. To them, Holder’s plan is a declaration of war on the mission to drain the D.C. muck—where unelected bureaucrats and liberal judges have festered for decades. The Supreme Court’s been their biggest ally, striking down nonsense like federal overreach and protecting the unborn from what they see as the moral rot of abortion. Holder’s ideas? They’re like tossing a bucket of slime on a freshly mowed lawn.

“This guy’s the poster child for everything we’re fighting!” bellows your average MAGA hat-wearer, probably while waving a “Don’t Tread on Me” flag. They see Holder as the ultimate swamp creature, defending a system that’s been fleecing America with woke policies and “rights” that crush the innocent. His Court-packing scheme is less a reform and more a tantrum from a has-been who can’t handle losing.

Swamp Thing’s Sidekicks: The Muddy Gang

Holder’s not alone in his murky crusade. He’s got a posse of fellow swamp dwellers cheering him on:

• Kamala Harris: She’s whining about “losing confidence” in the Court, as if her 2024 flop wasn’t proof enough the swamp’s drying up.
• James Carville: This Cajun croaker wants to add Puerto Rico and D.C. as states *and* pack the Court to 13. Why not just turn the whole country into a bog?

Together, they’re like the Justice League of Mud, plotting to flood the judiciary with their gooey agenda. But conservatives are ready with their metaphorical shop-vacs, determined to suck up this mess.

The Laughable Legacy of Swamp Thing Holder

Here’s the kicker: Holder thinks he’s saving democracy, but he’s just flopping around like a fish in a drying puddle. His Court-packing dreams are as old as FDR’s failed scheme in ’37, and just as likely to sink. Expanding the Court needs Congress, and term limits need a constitutional amendment—good luck with that when voters are sick of woke sludge. Plus, his timing’s off: 2028’s a lifetime away, and by then, the swamp might be a desert thanks to conservative wins.

So here’s to Eric Holder, the Swamp Thing reborn, flailing in the muck of irrelevance! He’s back, he’s slimy, and he’s madder than a mosquito at a bug zapper. But conservatives are laughing, ready to drain his bog once and for all. Keep dreaming, Swamp Thing—your reign of ooze is over!