The Frequent-Flyer Commissioner

Picture this: You're a hardworking Californian, scraping by in a state where the cost of living is higher than a bad acid trip at Coachella. Your homeowner's insurance premium just doubled because wildfires are basically the state flower now, and your carrier? They've ghosted you faster than a Tinder match after you mention you own a cat. Enter Ricardo Lara, California's Insurance Commissioner – the man who's supposed to be your knight in shining armor, wielding a sword against shady insurers. Instead, he's been spotted more often with a cocktail in hand on pink-sand beaches than in Sacramento, battling for your right to not go bankrupt over a leaky roof.

Oh, Ricardo. The gift that keeps on giving – or at least, the scandals that keep on jet-setting. A bombshell Los Angeles Times investigation dropped yesterday like a misfired reinsurance policy, revealing that Lara has racked up at least 32 international trips to 23 countries and territories since 2019, clocking in over 163 days abroad on what we're generously calling "state time." That's more globetrotting than a Bond villain with a grudge against domestic flights. And the best part? For two-thirds of those jaunts, the receipts are MIA – missing like Lara's spine when it comes to holding insurers accountable.

Bermuda, Prosecco, and the Art of Ignoring a Burning State

Let's break down the itinerary of extravagance, shall we? We're talking first- and business-class flights courtesy of the National Assn. of Insurance Commissioners (NAIC), that cozy industry-funded club where regulators and reinsurers rub elbows over $11,626 tickets to Singapore. (Pro tip: That's enough to cover a year's worth of FAIR Plan premiums for a small ranch in wildfire alley.) Then there's the Bermuda boondoggle in mid-2023, right as California's property insurance market was imploding faster than a house of cards in a Santa Ana wind. Lara jetted off for "panels on climate risk" – noble! – but spent most of his four days schmoozing at rum tastings, cocktail cruises, island excursions, and a fabulously fabulous "Pride and Prosecco" lawn party where he was the guest of honor. Because nothing screams "fixing the insurance crisis" like prosecco with billion-dollar reinsurers who are jacking up rates back home.

Pay-to-Play 2.0: Same Scandal, Better Mileage

And don't get us started on the fine dining. Fancy meals at five-star hotels? Check. Luxury airfare? Double check. Who footed the bill? Shrug emoji. Lara's office claims he followed all the rules, but the Fair Political Practices Commission isn't buying it – they're investigating potential campaign finance and ethics violations faster than you can say "pay-to-play." Remember, this is the same guy who, in 2019, got caught in a scandal where he solicited donations from the very insurers he regulates, pocketing $54,000 from folks tied to a workers' comp deal that smelled fishier than a Cape Town seafood platter. He vowed to "do better" – classic politician speak for "watch me do Paris next."

Meanwhile, Back in the State He’s Supposed to Serve…

Speaking of Paris: That Eiffel Tower photobomb in the LAT's collage? Yeah, that's from one of Lara's "official" stops, sandwiched between Dublin layovers on Turkish Airlines and a jaunt to Bogotá via Houston. (Because nothing says "serving Californians" like a detour through Texas barbecue country.) Meanwhile, back in the Golden State, the insurance apocalypse rages on. Under Lara's laissez-faire leadership, the FAIR Plan – the "insurer of last resort" – ballooned from 123,657 policies in 2019 to over 645,000 today. That's a 422% spike, folks, turning it into a tinderbox waiting to explode. Six of nine big insurers got their rate hikes approved but added zero new policies in high-risk fire zones. Zilch. Nada. As if saying, "Sure, we'll charge more – but good luck getting coverage, suckers."

Fire Victims Beg for Help While Lara Sips Sauvignon in Sydney

Fast-forward to January's apocalyptic L.A. wildfires, which torched thousands of homes and left survivors sifting through ashes. What did Lara do? He was off in New Zealand and Australia for a "10-day legislative trade delegation" – right after celebrating his reelection while Allstate and State Farm announced their policy freezes. Fire victims? 70% report delays and denials from insurers, with 8 in 10 still displaced nearly a year later. They've launched a "Resign Lara" campaign (laraout.org, because irony is free), begging Gov. Newsom to boot him. Lara's response? "I've acted decisively!" Buddy, if "decisively" means approving a billion-dollar rate hike for State Farm while they lowball claims, then yeah, you're a real action hero.

Broken Promises, Hidden Donations, Secret Deals

But wait, there's more! Lara's not just a travel agent with a badge; he's a serial promise-breaker. He pledged not to take insurance industry cash during his 2018 campaign but scarfed down $270,000 anyway. Post-scandal, his reelection war chest hid $122,500 from industry pals, per Consumer Watchdog. And that secret 2023 deal with carriers? It let them dump tens of thousands of policyholders in exchange for future rate hikes – just months before the fires hit. Coincidence? Or just Ricardo being Ricardo: all schmooze, no scrutiny.

Time to Clip His Wings

Look, California deserves better than a commissioner who's treating the job like a frequent flyer miles hack. While you're maxing out credit cards to fight claim denials and wondering if your retirement nest egg can cover a FAIR Plan deductible the size of a Tesla payment, Lara's out there living his best Eat Pray Love sequel – but with more kebabs in Istanbul and fewer life lessons for the rest of us.

Time to ground this bird, Governor Newsom. Ricardo Lara isn't regulating insurance; he's regulating his carbon footprint... upward. Resign? Nah, he should be deported to Bermuda – permanently. At least then the reinsurers would finally have to pay for something useful, like actual accountability.