Magazine

ALASKAN CAPITAL NEWS

Saturday, February 16, 2019

THERE’S PIZZA HERE [AND I’M STARVED]

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She said 🤡—SHE LIKES PIZZA.

When you DO match up with this magical PIZZA fairy, she ghosts you just for her pleasure.

When she finally— can’t possibly avoid you anymore, she politely explains that she’s just, “not ready to date anyone”.

Okay, touche. So, WHY TF YOU ON TINDER THEN? 🤦‍♂️

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đź’¬Just when you thought that, “just because you like PIZZA doesn’t mean that….”

ANYONE ELSE (WITH HALF A BRAIN) NOTICING A PIZZA–REFERENCING TREND HERE?

WHAT ABOUT THE SPIDER WEBBED EYELASHES & BLUE BALLS? (SHE’S APPARENTLY ALL ABOUT THEM)

🤔💭HMM…. WE’RE JUST GONNA SWYPE LEFT.

JIM MURREN & GEORGE SOROS [LAS VEGAS SHOOTING LOVERS]

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THESE PHOTOS SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES, BUT ALLOW ME TO ALSO SPEAK FOR THEM…. (BUCKLE UP, Y’ALL)

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First, you need to know that profits of *over* $190 BILLION (YES, DOLLARS) were reaped from this tragedy on October of the seventeenth year of 2000.

HI, I’M ANDREW MCCABE. [THE TORCH CARRYING IDIOT]

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It’s not enough. No, it’s not enough knowing that there’s a rogue unofficial Sheriff on your ass and is hell–bent on convicting you for the sick things you’re allowing to happen to innocent kids everywhere. No, that is just not enough. It’s not even enough knowing that I am actually destroying lives with facts I unearth about their childish times in politics. Look, Just because this rogue unofficial Sheriff hasn’t acknowledged you yet, does NOT mean that you’re getting off easily…. that only means that I currently just do not have enough time for your asinine shenanigans. (BETTER GET YOUR FIX WHILE THIS LASTS)

Thursday, February 14, 2019

I AM SO SICK OF THE NIGHTMARE [AND TWITTER]

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“Here I sit, broken–hearted…. tried to s***, but only farted.”

As I sit here thinking about my life– that saying comes to mind. Partly cuz I’m often gassy, and partly because I’m just flat out broken–hearted all–together. I don’t want to be a part of the dog and pony show anymore. I don’t want to participate in the terrorist–funded Twitter debate anymore. I don’t want to fight for this country’s “values” anymore. This is so sickening to have to admit, that I just don’t want to do it anymore. That I don’t agree with “American values”, that I don’t want to negotiate with terrorist democrats, and that I think Trump is wasting lots of valuable time even catering to them at all, no matter how hard he tricks them for money– or whatever the case may be. I’m just tired of fighting. I just sit here and I’m thinking about how hard I’m trying to help, but also sitting here and thinking about how much this has costed me.

[DEEP STATE] MYSTERY OF STATE OF ALASKA

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The Capital has got a mystery on its hands and no one seems to have any of the answers– just yet.

Sheriff spoke to City Hall about a mysterious door he found that has No Trespassing signs posted all around it, claiming that it’s Government property. This is not the mystery. The mystery lies in where it might lead to, and what might be happening there. With wild rumors circulating, that facts are revealing to be entirely true, one must wonder if this is a doorway to hell for some, and a doorway to heaven for others (We’ll discuss that part in just a second).

© ACAP