Magazine

ALASKAN CAPITAL NEWS

Monday, March 25, 2019

POPPING OFF FIREWORKS [LIKE A DUSTHOLE]

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Loud sounds pop off after 10PM near Auke Bay, and people with PTSD report to Alaskan Capital dispatch. Police investigate the sounds, and find out that it’s just some dumbass with fireworks.

Dispatch also reports back to ACAP that other gunshot like sounds went off elsewhere in town, but these were not inquired about as intensely just yet.

Saturday, March 23, 2019

UNIVERSITY OF ALASKA SOUTHEAST [THINGS HEAT UP]

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One call was enough, Curtis.

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Okay, you’re just gonna keep calling then? Alrighty. Guess I’m just going to have to put my foot down then.

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And put my foot down I did…. Let’s just probable cause this thing and say that “ALLEGEDLY” he obviously doesn’t want to get caught doing what he’s doing. Too late for all that now. Frankly, that first phone call was all the proof I needed, but then he just kept going, and going, and going. But, you must know that within the hour– prior to these harassing serial phonecalls (approximately 30 minutes before), I had received yet another follow up email to my previous questions. Need a reminder? Just click here….

from: UAS Chancellor’s Office
sent by: klcampbell4@alaska.edu
to: chanceseal@gmail.com
date: Mar 22, 2019, 4:08 PM
subject: UAS Chancellor’s response to request for public speaking forum
mailed-by: alaska.edu
signed-by: alaska-edu.20150623.gappssmtp.com
security: Standard encryption (TLS) Learn more

UAS Chancellor’s response to request for public speaking forum

UAS Chancellor’s Office (sent by klcampbell4@alaska.edu)
4:08 PM (1 hour ago)
to me

Dear Mr. Trahan:

UNIVERSITY OF ALASKA SOUTHEAST [PROVES ME RIGHT]

uas.jpeg

from: Chance Trahan
to: klcampbell4@alaska.edu
date: Mar 19, 2019, 7:54 AM
subject: Hi Keni (Public Speaking)
mailed-by: gmail.com

Chance Trahan
Tue, Mar 19, 7:54 AM (3 days ago)
to klcampbell4

Howdy, Keni.

I’ve recently decided that I’m officially campaigning for President of the United States and I’d love to publicly speak on campus about public safety, online safety, campus safety and also officially announce the presidency campaign that I am pursuing.

Will you please assist in scheduling an event in order to do so? I appreciate the opportunity to express my concerns in the public forum and I believe that doing so on UAS campus would be idea. I am choosing UAS as the place to officially start this thing off at, as I feel more comfortable knowing that I will have our local tribes in support of a tribal fueled mission to re-establish a more natural way of life by means of indigenous culture and education.

Thank you for your time and thank you for your help. Any assistance that you can provide is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Sincerely, Chance Trahan.

907—419—7844

––––––––

from: Keni Campbell
to: Chance Trahan
date: Mar 22, 2019, 11:19 AM
subject: Re: Hi Keni (Public Speaking)
mailed-by: alaska.edu
signed-by: alaska-edu.20150623.gappssmtp.com
security: Standard encryption (TLS) Learn more

Hello Mr. Trahan,

Wednesday, March 20, 2019

JEAN–CLAUDE VAN DAMME [HANGS WITH PUTIN & LIVES IN COMMUNIST CHINA]


Did you read the title? Well, then…. what are you waiting for? Watch this video.

KOCH BROS [THAT’S PRONOUNCED COKE]

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It’s no secret, the cat’s out of the bag (or is the bag out of coke?), the Koch bros are out to destroy what’s good in “America”.

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But, now that I know how to truly pronounce their name, “coke”, I immediately came up with a video game idea…. and you’re going to love it (or your money back).

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When coming up with this video game idea, it just hit me (like a bag of coke), Koch Bros (pronounced Coke Bros), and boy was I dying laughing. This is quite possibly the most hilarious idea I have ever come up with (for there are many).

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Quite simply, the video game idea goes like this…. (BRACE YOURSELVES, THIS IS ABOUT TO GET RIDICULOUS)

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